Lately I’ve been binge watching Sex and the City.
I’m 21 now, moved to a new city all alone, and struggling to figure myself out (let’s not talk about the financial struggles.)
I decided to skip school because I thought I had all the answers at 18, and thought I could make up my own life without a degree. Every now and then, I look back at my decision to drop out and wonder if it was a mistake. But then I think about everything that led up to where I am now, and realize that maybe I’m exactly where I need to be.
Since moving out I’ve had constant push and pull moments of, “Can I get through this? Can I keep going?” Self doubt seems to forever pursue me, as I’m learning that becoming an adult, paying bills, and having to work in order to survive isn’t as glamorous as I thought it would be when I was 12. There are days where I want to stay in bed because I’m too tired or sad to actually function, but I remember that I’m an adult now, with responsibilities and bills.
Being surrounded by older people and having conversations with them about where they saw themselves, or what they were doing at my age always seems to give me a little more insight into what being older is really all about. I’ve found that even though full grown adults have much more life experience, they go through the same push-and-pull that a lot people my age go through. In having these types of conversations with adults and allowing myself to freely reflect on my past, present, and future, I ask myself this: Will I have my life figured out by 30?
I decided I would watch Sex and the City chronologically, as I only saw the show when I was younger if it happened to be on TV. In my opinion the show is refreshing as it portrays 4 successful independent woman, which is something I personally haven’t seen in a tv show within my generation. In some way I find myself relating to the characters of the show, particularly 3 of the characters a little more; Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda.
Through Carrie I see my younger self’s dream come true. She’s a writer, whose able to make a living in writing about stuff she actually enjoys. She loves fashion and remains stylishly unique throughout the series as she deals with her everyday issues.
In watching the show I find a little comfort because I’m lead to believe that I’ll have it figured out by the time I’m 30. But in talking to adults and having those insightful conversations I realize that no one ever really has it all figured out, no matter how old you are or how much life experience you have. I know there are so many 30 years olds who aren’t necessarily living the life they truly want, whether its career or personal growth. I think as you age you just learn how to deal with situations better because you’ve had prior experience, and you learn how to become even more responsible.
As I pose the question to my close friends, “Where do you see yourself when you’re 30?” I get mixed answers, but the word “happiness” is a common one. It’s hard to remain hopeful when you’re young and you feel so much pressure coming from everywhere to have your life figured out, especially when you’re in the middle of the growing process. But in surrounding myself with older people I’m able to gain some reassurance that I’ll have a little more knowledge and self awareness in my journey of self discovery, in order to figure out what it is that I wanna do as a career.
